Thank you!

This is what happened to me today, and it made me so grateful for everyone who has supported and shown me so much love in the past 13 months! I spent the past 5 weeks as a trainer for the new group of education volunteers in Kampala and making final arrangements for Camp Kuseka with my awesome co-directors in Fort Portal; making me a perpetual busy lady and I loved every minute of it. These past 5 weeks were rejuvenating, inspiring, and encouraging. I felt like such a boss with my iphone in one hand, emailing and my Ugandan burner phone to my ear, organizing, all while modeling how to teach literacy and mentoring the n00bz. It also meant that I spent A LOT of time with westerners. This means resorting back to familiar customs and culture, not having to change my accent and speak another language, and most importantly, not being the token white person in my village and all the stress that goes with that. Today, however, was the first time away from all the excitement and familiar interactions. I’m back in the village, back in Butiiti, back to just me and the Ugandan clergy I live with (whom welcomed me back with lots of love). It’s always strange to leave a place where you blend in to enter a place where you so clearly stick out. For me, making the adjustment leaves me with a feeling of isolation/loneliness. For better or worse I am now used to this after 13 months here, so I planned my day to distract myself from feeling ‘alone’. This is how it went. Luckily, I needed to clean my room. I’m sure you can imagine what a pigsty it looked like with 5 weeks of dust, spider webs, and gecko poop about. So I did that first thing in the morning (we’re talking 7am folks). Between [hand] washing my clothes, sweeping, dusting, then moping all while singing Christmas songs, I managed to distract myself until 2pm. Phew, half the day behind me! Continuing with my plan of distraction I walked to the local trading center to pick up some food for the next few days. It’s important to note that I will be back in town (Fort Portal) on Monday for camp meetings and to begin celebrating Christmas. I just have to make it through the weekend. I was really craving an avocado sandwich, but of course there were no avocados at the three shops I have to choose from. Plan B; simple tomato sauce and spaghetti (thanks Mom!). In case you were wondering I also bought a pineapple and some bananas. Aright, so I’m cutting up and sautéing garlic, onions, and tomatoes with a bay leaf and oregano. Loneliness is the farthest thing from my head; I got my Italian comfort food! After my late afternoon lunch it just felt right to lounge and watch a movie. Heck, the electricity is on, I might as well use up some battery life! Then it hits me, an hour into the movie I feel this blanket of loneliness cover my body and stay there until the end of the movie. goddamnit, I was doing so well! This impenetrable blanket then triggered my anxiety of “Night time is approaching, it’s gonna be a long one if I don’t deal with this. Oh my goodness, where the heck is the closest volunteer… gahhhh, everyone is away. One comes back tmrw, but can I make it through the night? What would I even do if there was someone close… I’m not about to walk 3k to then get on a crowded taxi to get to them. I’d call another PCV but I don’t want them to get worried. I don’t even know what I’d say to them… ‘Hey, it’s Rachel, I’m alone in a village. Oh you are too, right.’ PCMO? Just start crying? Take a bunch of melatonin & hope for the best?” You get the picture. Post-downward spiral of irrational thoughts I remembered that I’ve had lonely times before; I got this! I text a few friends, brother bear included, and they respond back. I also received a lovely message from the True-Frost’s that made me so happy! Great, I’m now able to pull the loneliness-blanket down below my eyes, but I know this is only temporary. The sun is setting, and I have a Nat-Geo view of it from my front yard so I head outside with my kindle and chamomile tea. Didn’t even turn the kindle on and guess who just happens to call… none other than Best Mom Ever, Angela Ceruti. This woman has a sixth sense; she always knows when something (the good, the bad, and the ugly) is going on with me. I see her name pop up on my phone and that blanket is rapidly sliding away from my body. We actually only talk for a minute or so, bad connection, but it was catalyst to my 180. I return back to my original plan of distracting loneliness from my thoughts so I read for a while, then, my kindle dies. Curses! But I don’t lose hope… the strategy of combating loneliness with interactions is now my course of action! I call up Best Dad Ever, Joe Ceruti, and it’s like he knows to just shoot the shit with me; and honestly, that’s usually what I want to do when I talk to people back home. This guy is really good at just talk to me like I’ve only been away for a few days. I only bought 10 minutes of international calling but we could have filled the air with bullshit for much longer. (You should also know that I saw the coolest shooting star while on the phone too) I say goodbye to Joe, stare at the stars, take a huge inhale and exhale all feelings of loneliness. Now I’m here writing my first blog entry in 6 months because I wanted to share this experience with you all as a thank you! Although this is a very specific situation I just wanted to thank everyone for all of your support and love. Every email, Facebook comment, letter, donation, etc. really means so much to me, way more than you know. I cannot believe that I’ve been away from all of your for over a year. I attribute this year going by so quickly to your encouragement. I feel that my time here has gone by so quickly and smoothly because I have you all as such a solid foundation back home! I don’t want to get all sappy but you know who you are and you should know that I’m super appreciative : ) Happy Holidays and Happy New Year! I get to spend some time with my bro & sis VERY soon and I’m SOOOOOO excited for that!